In Sickness and In Health
by fictiongirl8
Summary: AU story where Rayna and Teddy get the news that 1 year old Maddie has cancer. Will Rayna go back on her promise to Teddy with Maddie's life at risk?
1. Chapter 1

**So I am definitely going to do my best to get accurate facts and research for all the medical references and lingo for this story but don't hold it against me! I really just want to explore how this scenario would have affected Rayna and her decision to cover up Maddie's true paternity. It really does give a great opportunity to explore all the complex emotions and relationships that are affected by the news. Let me know what y'all think!**

Rayna nervously sat in the waiting room of the pediatrician's office, trying to soothe Maddie who was fussing in her arms.

"Relax, Rayna, I'm sure it's nothing. Kids her age catch colds and get rashes all the time with them putting everything into their mouths. It'll be fine." Teddy said, trying to reassure her.

"I know, I know. But I know my daughter, something just isn't right, I can just feel it."

"Our daughter, Rayna, ours." Teddy muttered.

"Really? Now? You know what I meant." Rayna fired back.

They sat there in silence as Rayna clutched Maddie to her chest.

"I'm sorry," Rayna said, breaking the silence, "I'm just worried."

"I know." Teddy replied.

"Maddie Conrad?" a nurse in pink scrubs called out.

She led them down the hall into a room that was obviously decorated in a kid-friendly manner in order to mask the fact the everything about the room was cold, metallic, and clinical.

Rayna had hated doctors and hospital ever since she was little and her mom had died in one. The stuffed animal and cartoon posters did nothing to ease her discomfort as she placed her one year old daughter onto the exam table.

"Now what seems to be the problem, with little Maddie?" the doctor asked, as he moved the stethoscope around Maddie's chest and back.

"She hasn't been eating much lately and she's had a cough for the past two weeks now. Then I noticed she had a rash on her back when I was changing her the other day," Rayna reported.

"Well, kids her age do get colds that can lead to their loss of appetite for a couple days as well as a cough. The rash could be caused by irritation due to clothing or maybe even the detergent type. However, just to be on the safe side I'd like to do a blood test in order to rule out anything more serious."

"More serious? Like what?" Rayna asked, her voice wavering.

"It's nothing to be concerned about right now. I just want to double check that Maddie's white blood cell count are normal. It's more of a precaution, these things tend to be nothing and go away after a week or two."

"Okay." Rayna said, swallowing the lump in her throat.

The nurse came in to draw Maddie's blood and Rayna handed her over to Teddy to hold while the nurse inserted the needle. Rayna's heart ached as her baby girl cried out, but after getting a sticker from the doctor and being rocked in Teddy's arm, she was sleeping only moments later.

Rayna smiled seeing Maddie so peaceful in Teddy's arms.

"We'll have you guys come back in in a couple days to get those results," the nurse said as they walked out of the office.


	2. Chapter 2

Rayna felt the blood drain from her face and the room blurred a bit around her. She felt her knees buckle and leaned back into the chair to steady herself.

"I'm sorry, what?" Rayna asked, her voice shaking.

"Ms. Jaymes, Mr. Conrad, I'm very sorry to inform you but Maddie's blood test results indicate she has leukemia. It's a type of cancer that interferes with the production of normal blood cells. We know this is a lot to process and that you'll need time to come to terms with this, but it is in Maddie's best interest to see an oncologist as soon as possible. We can refer you to a pediatric oncologist at Vanderbilt Medical Center that specializes in these cases and who will be able to design a treatment plan for Maddie. Again, we are very sorry," the doctor said.

Rayna couldn't even find her voice. She couldn't form the words, the sentences that she wanted to shout. "How? This must be some mistake" she wanted to scream. She looked down at her sweet baby girl, clutching her closer to her chest. She felt Teddy's hand wrapped around hers and turned to face him. She could see the anguish in his eyes, the pain and something else she hadn't ever seen in him before. Fear. She'd never seen Teddy afraid before. When she went into labor, her water breaking, and the whole time in the delivery room Teddy had been calm, reassuring her every step of the way. Rayna squeezed his hand tightly in hers, wishing she had the strength to give him those same feelings now.

Teddy helped her up and numbly took the reference card from the doctor's hand and they made their way to the car. Rayna lifted the car seat into its holder in the car, but her hands were shaking so badly, she couldn't even get the buckles to lock together.

"I got it, Rayna." Teddy said, taking the clips into his hand as he secured the seat.

They drove home in silence while Rayna stared out the window feeling numb. She felt the tears rolling down her cheeks, soaking her blouse, but at the same time she felt detached from them. Her mind replayed every single moment of Maddie's life over and over in her head. The way she came into the world screaming her head off, Rayna singing her to sleep at night, her first smile, her first steps, and every little moment in between played out in Rayna's head. Rayna breath hitched as an incomprehensible thought came to her mind. What milestones would Maddie get to see? Would she get to her first day of school? Prom? Her wedding? These things shook Rayna to her core as she looked at the back seat at her innocent little girl and wondered how something so malicious could be contained in a sweet baby.


	3. Chapter 3

Things had been tense the last couple days since the news of Maddie's diagnosis. Rayna and Teddy had barely spoken to each other, the shock still leaving them speechless even to each other. Most of their conversation before had centered around Maddie, but now that seemed too painful to sustain for any long period of time.

Rayna hadn't slept in their bed since that day at the doctor's office. She'd make her way down the hall in the middle of the night into the nursery where'd she'd hover silently over the crib, watching the rise and fall of her baby's chest. Rayna would eventually collapse into the rocking chair beside the crib, using a pillow to smother her sobs, trying not to wake Maddie.

Rayna had called Bucky and told him that she was halting all work on the second album and to tell the label that everything was on pause until further notice. He'd also notified the producers and the band that things were delayed for the time being.

That of course had led to a text from Deacon.

Seeing his name pop up on her phone had caused a strong wave of nausea to roll through her.

"Hey, I just heard from Bucky. Everything okay?" it had read.

Rayna wanted to call him then and there. She wanted to cry out "No, Deacon, everything isn't okay. Our daughter, our baby girl, who has your eyes, your temper, that beautiful, living, breathing embodiment of you and me, she's sick. She's our girl, Deacon, and we might lose her, and everything is absolutely not okay." That's what Rayna wanted to do. But she couldn't and she didn't.

Rayna was trying to keep her focus on taking care of Maddie, but Deacon had been lingering in the back of her mind. She felt the weight of the decision she had made almost 1 year and 9 months ago multiply.

Rayna had told herself that at least Deacon would have a sideline view of Maddie's life, although she knew it'd never be enough, it'd never be what it could've been. But now, what if Deacon wouldn't even get that? What if….Rayna could even bring herself to think it. She felt selfish and awful inside for thinking about Deacon. She should be focused on her family, Maddie and Teddy. Although as she said it to herself, she knew Deacon would always be included in that definition.

And how could she not think about Deacon, when every time she looked in her baby girl's eyes, their baby girl, she saw Deacon's staring back.


	4. Chapter 4

Teddy and Rayna had arranged a meeting with the doctor that their pediatrician had referred them to only a week after hearing about Maddie's diagnosis.

The doctor had said it wasn't necessary to bring Maddie with them as they were only going to be discussing treatment options, so Tandy had volunteered to stay home and watch Maddie while they were gone.

The last thing Rayna needed was the media getting a hold of this story, so Rayna had been careful to tell as little people as possible the specifics of what was going on and made sure to use a back entrance at the hospital.

"Ms. Jaymes, Mr. Conrad, I'm Dr. Keller. I'll be working with you going forward as well as with a group of the best physicians to treat Maddie's cancer."

"Please, call me Rayna," she said, shaking his hand firmly.

"Teddy."

"Have a seat, please," Dr. Keller said as he gestured toward the two arm chairs that sat in front of his desk.

Rayna glanced around at his office. Diploma from Columbia Medical School, countless plaques and awards for cancer research, and numerous pictures of children from all ages, smiling, happy from their hospital beds, their faces blowing with determination.

"What type of leukemia does Maddie have specifically?" Teddy asked.

While Rayna had spent the last few days holed up in Maddie's nursery, Teddy had been locked away in his office, researching everything he could on pediatric leukemia. He was a practical, logical man, and he was dealing with the news in the same manner. It was so…..Teddy. It was one of the things she loved about him. His stableness and secureness. She knew he felt that if he was prepared enough, getting al the information he could, might help Maddie in the long run.

"Maddie has Juvenile Myelomonocytic Leukemia which is also known as JMML. What it does is it specifically affects the white blood cells, causing them to turn cancerous and multiply. It occurs mostly in children under 2 years old."

"What is her prognosis?" Teddy questioned.

"Every child, every case is different. And I, for one, am not a believer in giving numbers or statistics. I would like to perform a bone marrow aspiration in order to get further information on the abnormal cells. But, I do believe we have caught the cancer before it had the chance to progress more significantly. However, I do believe that Maddie's best option for treatment is a stem cell transplant. This would involve high-dose chemotherapy in order to prepare Maddie's body for new healthy stem cells from a matched donor."

"How do we find a donor?" Rayna asked.

"Does Maddie have any siblings?"

"No, she's our only child," Teddy interjected.

"In order to determine a stem cell donor, we look at HLA genes. Each child has 8 HLA, 4 inherited from each parent. Siblings usually make the best donors. It is possible, although more unlikely, that parents can be a match for their children. Even if they aren't a complete match, parents will always be a half-match. I would encourage you both to get tested at our next appointment. After we get those results, as well as the results of the bone marrow aspiration, we can make adjustments to the plan as necessary. My team and I are going to do everything possible to save Maddie's life and we will be here to support you every step of the way."

"Thank you, Dr. Keller," Rayna said, her voice barely above a whisper.

As they got up and left the office, Rayna felt like the floor was falling out from under her as she digested the reality she was facing. They reached the parking and both got into the car.

"Teddy, we have to—" Rayna started, but Teddy quickly cut her off.

"No. No," Teddy said firmly.

"Teddy, this isn't—"

"Rayna, we are not telling him. This is about OUR family, Rayna. This concerns, you, me and OUR daughter and no one else. We made a decision and you made a promise to me. And nothing has changed that, Rayna. I am Maddie's father."

"Nothing has changed, Teddy? Are you kidding me? Everything has changed! This is Maddie's life we are talking about! Yes, we made a decision. A decision that we felt was in Maddie's best interest. And I made a promise for Maddie's well being that you would always be her father, Teddy. I promised that I'd always do what's best for her, I promised to protect her. But I will not protect your ego, Teddy."

"I have been there, Rayna, every single step of the way. I know I'm not the one you wanted, I wasn't your first choice, Rayna, but god dammit, this is what we chose. I'm the one who held her when she came into this world, I'm the one who's been there through every shot and stumble and bad night. I'm the one who's been there, Rayna, for you and her."

Rayna reached across the console and took his hand, "I know, I know you have. You are an amazing father and husband. And you have done everything in your power to give us the best life possible. But some things we just can't control or fix. There's only so much a parent can do themselves to protect their child. And this is one part you just can't do. You are Maddie's father. But, hon, she has his blood in her, his genes. And I know you'll be there to rock her and hold her hand, but this part you might have to let Deacon do."

"So you're just going to tell him then? Tell him he has a daughter and that he might need to save her life, Rayna? How do you think he's going to react? What good will he be to Maddie when he goes off and gets drunk again? At a time like this, Maddie needs as much stability as she can get. She needs parents who are going to take care of her. Not a volatile drunk who's unpredictable."

"We don't know what he's going to do or how he'll react. But for Maddie's sake, we need to take that chance. She has a long, hard fight ahead of her and she can't do it without us. We need to fight for her, too. And if I'm ever going to sleep at night again, I need to know I did everything in my power to giver her that fighting chance."

Teddy let out a long sigh and said, "Fine, then we'll tell him."

"I think it'd be best if I did this, alone. He's going to be mad as hell with me and you don't need to be in the middle of all of that."

"Fine, just fine then," Teddy conceded.


	5. Chapter 5

Rayna's finger hovered above the call button next to Deacon's contact. She'd been like this for the past half hour, trying to find the courage to do what she needed to do. She needed a moment. A moment to truly understand the door she was opening by pressing that button. Nothing was ever going to be the same after this and she needed to process that before she went and blew her life and her daughter's to pieces.

She closed her eyes and took one last deep breath before her finger hit the button. The line only rang for a second before he picked up.

"Hey, Deacon, it's me….I mean obviously you know that already," Rayna stumbled nervously.

"Yeah, I know. What's going on? You don't sound like yourself, Ray."

Rayna's heart clenched at the sound of his voice saying "Ray". He had always read her like an open book. That's why she'd always been so surprised when he never questioned her about Maddie. Truth be told, she was slightly disappointed. A dark part of her wished he could see the truth in her eyes and call her out on it. But, for once the alcoholic blackouts worked to her advantage. Or maybe disadvantage because at this point she truly didn't know.

"I just…can I swing by your place? I need to talk."

"Of course. I'm always here for you, if you ever need me."

She did need him, she wanted to say. Always.

"Thanks, I'll be there in a few."


	6. Chapter 6

Rayna pulled up to Deacon's East Nashville bungalow. It had once been "their"'s back when they were together. Rayna had been surprised that Deacon hadn't sold it and started over somewhere fresh. But then again, she wasn't really that surprised. Those four walls had seen their some of their worst moments, but also their most tender and brightest. It'd seen hit songs written in between passionate makeup sessions and every space of it was engraved with their love. Rayna had walked away from Deacon by starting a life with Teddy. And although Deacon's alcoholism had kept him from being what she needed, he'd never meant to walk away from her, he'd never left her and he'd never left their home.

All these thoughts were swirling around Rayna's mind as she walked up to the door. She knocked lightly twice before Deacon opened the door wearing his usual jeans and flannel. He smiled at her, in a way that made her feel safe for a moment, like maybe, just maybe everything could be alright.

"Come in, Ray."

"So, what's going on, Rayna? Bucky halted on work on the album, all your public appearances are cancelled. Are you okay?"

"No, Deacon, I'm not. We…uh….found that Maddie…, she has cancer, Deacon."

"Oh my god, Rayna. I'm…I'm so sorry. I mean is it….is it bad?"

"The doctors think we got it in time, and they think she has a good shot if she can get a bone marrow transplant from a matched donor."

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm trying. I know I need to be strong for her. I don't want her to be scared so I don't want her to see even a fraction of how scared I really am. So, I'm trying."

"I know things between you and me are different now, but I'm always here, Rayna, if you ever….if you ever need to just talk. I'm still here."

"Thank you, Deacon. It means a lot. That's kind of why I called you. Because there is something you can do, something I need you to do for me."

"Anything, Rayna. What is it?"

"I need you to get tested as a bone marrow match for Maddie, because there's a good chance you could be one. Because…because you're her biological father, Deacon."

"What are you talking about, Rayna? What do you mean?"

"Deacon, I….I found out I was pregnant. And were you drinking again, you'd already been to rehab four times and it hadn't worked. I was terrified. I didn't know what to do or who was even the father. I talked to Teddy and he offered to marry me, and to raise the baby no matter what. I was tired, Deacon. I was tired of taking care of you, of hoping and being devastated more times than I could count. I was exhausted from being scared of if you were alive or not. But I stayed and I took it. But I couldn't put all that weight on my child too. All that uncertainty. And Cole, he said I should cut you loose. That it'd be your best chance and maybe your last at staying sober, so that's what I did."

"How's it even possible, Rayna?! When did we…when were we even together? I don't remember….otherwise…maybe….I never even suspected…."

"Isn't that the point, Deacon? The fact that you can't remember. That's how bad things were."

"So you lied to me, Rayna? Every single day since, you looked me in the eyes and lied. And you brought me back to your band. Back on tour. You let me hold her. And love her. You made me her Uncle Deacon. For what? Just to keep me close to a whole life you were keeping from me? How dare you!"

"Don't you put this all on me! Don't you dare try to act like I'm the only one who got us here! I wanted that life with you. I wanted to be your wife and to raise our family up together. But Jesus Christ, Deacon, you couldn't stay sober. Not for our gigs, for our careers, and not for me. I was not going to take that same gamble with a child, Deacon."

"Were you ever going to tell me? Did you think I'd ever deserve to know. I'm sober, Rayna. I've been sober for almost a year. I mean I got sober and I found out you didn't wait for me, Rayna. You got married and built a family, and you did it without me."

Tears pricked Rayna's eyes and began streaming down her face.

"How was I supposed to know that the fifth time in rehab would actually stick? I couldn't wait any longer, Deacon. I was….we were out of time," Rayna cried out.

They stood in silence for a few minutes as the weight of their past and present colliding into one, hung in the air.

"So, what now, Ray?" Deacon whispered, "I get tested and maybe I'm a match, maybe I'm not. But either way, what am I supposed to do. Just pretend like nothing's happened and go back to being Uncle Deacon?"

"I….I don't know, Deacon. I don't know how this is supposed to work. I don't know if you want to be a part of Maddie's life or not. But I do know that she needs this transplant. And if you want that chance with her, Deacon, she has to be here for it. I know you're beyond angry with me, Deacon. I know that. So don't do it for me. Do it for her. For our daughter, Deacon. Cause she needs you."

"I just….I just need a minute. I'm so mad, Rayna. I just…I need a second for it all. And I need that without you here. Because right now, Rayna. I can't even look at you. Cause all I see is all those little moments I missed. I picture her first steps, first time she smiled or laughed. I imagine singing her to sleep and rocking her when she cries. I look at you and I see everything I didn't get, everything you denied me. So, right now, I need you to go."

"Okay. I understand. But, Deacon, Maddie can't afford for you to take too much time," Rayna said as she made her way to the door.

"I need you to promise me something, Deacon. You have to promise me that you're not going to go and drink. That you're not going to throw away everything you've worked for over this. For Maddie's sake."

Rayna reached out hesitantly and squeezed his hand. He kept his eyes to the floor but she could make out the burning pain in them.

"Show me I was wrong," Rayna whispered before she walked out the door.


End file.
